Current mood:	annoyed
Current music:	deathcab for cutie

i miss you so.. like beestings...shes just an image in my mind
Today was alright i guess. not too much interesting happening lately. ive got kadie on my mind still. i really dont know why i couldnt have kept her as a friend. i had to push her so far away from myself.. and now i miss her... i need her as a friend for some reason. everything in my body tells me i need her somehow. i wonder what shes doing right now. i wonder if she still thinks of me at all. id go to her house and say hi...but im scared to do that... i dont know how she'd react...we didnt exactly leave off on a good note. i probably should just let her go... its just she means so much to me...wether she hurt me or not...what i can remember of her always cheers me up. i hope shes a happy person.. thats all i have left to say about her.. </p>

school. school was kinda like any other day. its just getting to me. im ready to graduate and stop dealing with the bullshit of high school and this popularity stuff. theres so much tension between me and some of my old friends... we dont get along anymore. such as me and well...im not going to say his name. the kids an asshole. id like to murder him sometimes. i get so angry at school and i dont know what im capable of doing. haha im not really harmful...im more likely to hurt myself than anyone else. i just dont like fighting. ive been in two in my life and lost both. ha...come to think of it they were both with these black kids fuckin with me cuz they thought i was gay. once back in seventh grade...and another time last year by the mall. all my life ive been stepped on it seems like. do you ever feel that way? anyways i wanna be the one doing the stepping from now on. i want ..this kid.. to feel pain. i want that stupid cunt he hangs out with to fucking lie in her own filth and die. i hate them. so much. all i ever did was try to be their fucking friend...but not anymore. things change... ive changed so much over the year. im no longer what i once was in eleventh/tenth grade. i think ive developed a borderline personality. ive only revealed tiny bits of whats been going on in my relationships with people on here... but...read about this disorder... maybe you will see how much it describes me... maybe you will understand me more ^_^

so i miss kadie...i hate people at school... im tired and ready to graduate...it seems like its taking forever. grrr...my face hurts....