Current mood:	ashamed
Current music:	the beatles - penny lane

maybe i never loved her enough...

the past couple of days have been pretty hectic...i dont know if i spelled that right. dont judge me. im sorry.
i barely remember what i did yesterday much less the day before. but ill try and tell you a little bit of whats up in steven's fucked mind? okay.
friendships are falling apart again. i dont know if its my fault or not. but i refuse to believe its mine again. i did nothing. i just want to be at peace with everyone. but i dont want to be continuously used or hurt.
still no word if cam will be leaving for australia. im hoping he won't. hes been such a good friend to me and i don't want to lose that. but if he does leave. ill be prepared for that.
like i said before...i met a girl ^_^ shes so sweet. and soooo rad. i <3 her. sarah is her name. she likes deathcab for cutie like me :] hahaha what a cool cat.
i'm kind of worried about my sister katie. shes taking medicines now for her disorder and shes acting kind of funny. i wish she could be like she was when we were so young. back when we were both happy and we didnt have to worry about anything. lol a good deal of my life ive despised my sister... it hurts me so much when i look back and think how i treated her and how much i've made her feel like worthless shit. it was always hard for me to understand why she cared for me... i was so angry at her at the time...i had such little care for her. i barely know her now. shes a stranger to me it feels like. i wish i could change that..but i dont really know how. its hard for me to talk to her. 
i remember she told me she took a lot of acid and i think that fucked her up in the head...i think shes been to the hospital like three two or three times for overdosing on pills... sometimes i blame it on myself...she really cared about me and i threw that back in her face. maybe i never loved her enough. ive made her cry more times than i can count... i wish i could just have a good relationship with her. i hope she knows i really do love her. so much...